Before I get to a few thoughts, where in the heck was Izzie tonight on Grey's? It was the first night since September that I was able to watch Grey's on tv. I didn't have to work tonight! Also, as much as I like Christina, I think that Hunt should be with Teddy. Don't stone me for saying that.
I think I'm being taught some very important lessons right now, and I'm not sure that I'm being the best pupil.
One of them is that you can plan as much as you want, but things rarely go according to plan. You aren't working on your timing, your working on God's. And sometimes you can't understand what in the heck the point is as to why things can't just go to plan. I honestly think that I've had my next 12 months planned out about four different times now. Each time it's been a bring-you-to-your-knees-type-of-quick-kick-to-the-shins where it takes some time for me to feel comfortable with the "new plan" and as soon as I find some level of comfort another kick comes.
I've found a lot of comfort in my scriptures these last few weeks. This week, after some frustrating news, I opened up my scriptures and read in Ether (in The Book of Mormon), the first chapter. About Jared and his brother and their families.
"(38) And it came to pass that Jared spake again unto his brother, saying; Go and inquire of the Lord whether he will drive us out of the land, and if he will drive us out of the land, cry unto him whither we shall go. And who knoweth bu the Lord will carry us forth into a land which is choice above all the earth? And if it so be, let us be faithful unto the Lord, that we may receive it for our inheritance.
(42 - part of the Lord's response)....thou shalt go at the head of them down into the valley which is northward. And there will I meet thee, and I will go before thee into a land which is choice above all the lands of the earth.
(43) And there will I bless thee and thy seed, and raise up unto me of thy seed...And thus I will do unto thee because this long time ye have cried unto me."
Essentially what I got out of these verses was that we should pray for guidance, have faith that the Lord has a plan, prepare to follow in faith and then let the Lord lead you from there.
Soon after reading this, my plans were changed again. A few hours later I was able to feel fairly at ease as I remembered to put it in this perspective. And so I continue to make plans, because I think in some way it makes me feel more secure, but I also count on them changing.
Finally, I'd like to thank my mom. My mom is human, she makes mistakes, she's the first to admit she's far from perfect. But, I must thank her for her strength and her example. I think through a combination of genetics and growing up watching her, I've been blessed with some of that strength that she posseses. I do a lot more complaining than she does, that's for sure. But, I think this week, has been trying for the both of us. And yet somehow she is so brave and so strong and I sometimes wish that she had more of a partner to lean on. Yet, that's the great thing about my mom, she makes it, with or without other people.
And now, I must go to bed. I have a long day ahead of me as I move forward with something like plan D.
Good night and good luck (and enjoy this song from one of my favorite movies).