ants in my pants

So, I have a chronic condition.

About once a year I get the this ants-in-my-pants need for change, for something more or different.

It happened pre-marriage and it continues to happen now that I'm married.

A few examples:

In the middle of my second year at BYU-Idaho, the cold cold cold days finally froze one too many of my bones and my last unfrozen nerve decided I needed a change. I took all the steps to apply to  Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. Soon, I found out I was admitted, my thoughts quickly turned to this new experience I was facing - my itch was scratched, at least for a little while.
...
While pursuing a political science degree I had a mid-college-life crisis. I sat down with my friend Betty and while eating New York style pizza decided I was going to change my major. I took all the steps necessary and applied to the Communications: Print Journalism program and was accepted.
...
I was three years into my time at BYU, in the middle of my second to last semester before I was supposed to graduate. But I felt that all too common feeling. I was itchy, I was antsy and I needed a change. While trying to figure out what that change was going to be I was in a car wreck that totaled my car. I took it as a sign to go home to Oregon, finish a my degree online and start on the next life experience (why I took a car wreck as a sign to go home, I'm not sure - I think ultimately that's just what I wanted to do). So, I took the necessary steps - got a job at a newspaper as a circulation manager and moved back to Oregon.
...
I'm pretty sure this itch happened again four months into our marriage. I decided that I needed to get pregnant - and we did!
...
And now the itch has returned. This antsy feeling is so annoying! Maybe this time it's a need to feel validated - not that my husband doesn't make efforts to validate my roles, but a different kind of validation or contentment. Maybe all stay at home moms feel this feeling, but they just handle it better. I wouldn't be exaggerating if I told you that in the last week I've looked up jobs in the magazine industry, looked into becoming a blog contributor, looked into health coaching, and looked at jobs and internships in the political realm. Eric is always a good sport and way better at expressing support than I am. He's always confident in me, which is something I am not!

I want to feel content in what I'm doing here at home! I want this to be enough! It should be enough, it's what I thought I've always wanted. But, what if it's not, then what?

I was reading the account in the Old Testament of Naaman. He was a great Syrian leader who was struck with leprosy. Eventually he was directed to Elisha the prophet. Elisha sent a messenger to Naaman directing him to dip himself in the Jordan River seven times and then he would be cleansed of his leprosy.

 11 But Naaman was wroth, and went away, and said, Behold, I thought, He will surely come out to me, and stand, and call on the name of the Lord his God, and strike his hand over the place, and recover the leper. 12 Are not Abana and Pharpar, rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? may I not wash in them, and be clean? So he turned and went away in a rage. 13 And his servants came near, and spake unto him, and said, My father, if the prophet had bid thee do some great thing, wouldest thou not have done it? how much rather then, when he saith to thee, Wash, and be clean?

The servants question to Naaman really struck me. The Lord hasn't asked me to be some great politician, or magazine editor, or whatever. He's asked me to raise a daughter in his ways, and to love my husband and be his help-meet.

Naaman then humbled himself, entered the Jordan River and was cleansed. What does this mean for me? I'm not sure quite yet, but it means something.

Sorry if this was just a jambalaya of words, but I needed to get it out there.

Any response, insight, calming words, advice will be appreciated.

Sundae

Aren't Sundays treats? I move they be renamed Sundaes. 

Anyhoosier, I don't have very much to say. 

Did you know you can roast red potatoes in the crock pot? It's a great concept if you want to be cooking something in the oven at a different temperature, like say, a meatloaf. I basically followed this recipe, but I think mine turned out way prettier (and probably tastier, I am sure). 

Evidence:

And they were delicious! I think I liked them better than any roasted potatoes I've done in the oven. 

The diet/exercise regimen has been going well. So far, I'm down six pounds. Yay! However, the sudden move from couch potato baby chaser to running on a treadmill has spurred some minor pains, in my left big toe and in my right knee. So, I'll be doing cycling for a few days - which is annoying because it isn't as efficient at burning calories as running - and time is money! 

Anyway, do you love sushi? I sure does. 

I made banana sushi, which isn't nearly as gross or weird as it sounds. 

Evidence:

And while we're talking about food, you might as well make these, because I did yesterday and they were above average.

And for your entertainment:

#mykidisanadorablealien

In my natural habitat...

The husby grabbed the camera this morning and shot this photo of me, in my natural habitat. 

In the living room, folding laundry (can only be done when Ella is napping), surrounded by Ella's mess and catching up on episodes of 'Hart of Dixie' on my laptop. 

I know you're loving my outfit, spandex and black tee - fresh from my morning work out. 

Speaking of working out. . . that's going pretty good so far. I've lost a few pounds. 

Also, I wanted to share this delightful snack/brunch/lunch with you. 

Cucumbers! 

I love cucumbers. I always over populate our salads with them. I was excited to find this "pin." I tried out my own little version this morning, partially peeling the cucumber, adding some laughing cow cheese and some turkey lunch meat. Delicious and under 100 calories. Sa-weet! 

I think these photos explain the method pretty well.  

Then I was reminded of this "pin" I had repinned 30 weeks ago.... gonna have to try that variation, too! 

Birthday Club

Ella had her first birthday back on the tenth. I guess she can officially be a member of the birthday club. We didn't do anything fancy on her actual birthday. We ate, she spit out some cake, and she opened one present - a toddler sled from the Florida Lougees. 

That Saturday we had a little party for her with friends and family. 

She went a little Diva from all the attention and only threw one major tantrum. 

She also loved opening all her presents. Thanks to everyone who came! 

  

Polar Bear Paws

And polar bear faces. 

Hot chocolate bar. 

Some of E's favorite foods. 

A little nervous about all the attention.

Apparently I really liked this book.

E loved her new tutu skirt. 

So much.

She also enjoyed being pulled around in a toy princess wagon, not meant to pull around one year olds. 

Daddy and Diva.

Aunt Zoey kisses are the best! 

We had a time capsule for Ella to open on her 18th birthday and we encouraged everyone to write her a note. 

Guests also guessed how old Ella was in several photos. Not pictured is the "Ella Quiz" consisting of six questions about Ella. Her Dad got 5 out of 6. 

To culminate her birthday week, Ella had her 1st year well baby check. She's 28 inches tall *correction: 30.25" (she's almost as tall as her aunt Riley), 21 lbs. 11 oz. which is all about average, and her noggin circumference has grown from the 90th percentile to the 92nd percentile. Let's hope she puts the big brain to good use! 

She also got four shots! Happy birthday baby girl! 

Two Oh Five

So, here's the deal.

When I graduated from high school I weighed somewhere around 205 pounds. And then I lost a fair amount of weight. I never, ever, in my life, want to see 2-0-5 on the scale when I stand on it, unless I have a two year old on my back or something.

I got married, put on a few pounds.

Got pregnant, put on 28 pounds.

Had a baby and lost about 18-20 pounds.

And that was a year ago.

I've been stuck.

I look back at the time I was successful at losing weight, maintaining a lower weight and being fit. I was in college. I was only feeding me. I only had my schedule to worry about. So, it's taken me a year to figure out that I just have to make the time and make the commitment. And thanks to my supportive husband, I've signed my life away to a gym here in La Grande with beautiful new equipment and 24 hour access. I love going to the gym. I really do. And there is nothing there to distract you from exercising. I could spend 2+ hours there. And in years past, I have. But, now I have a family that battles for my time so my gym times will rarely, if ever be 2 hours long.

I've gone four days (with a brief hiatus due to a head cold) and feel so good.

It's empowering.

It's invigorating.

It's good.

And I hope I can continue to go to the gym - get back in shape and lose a little bit of weight. Because, as you know, I have baby fever. But, I fear that if I got pregnant again without committing to improving the health of my body then I'd see that dreaded 205 again and maybe see it long-term.

Plus, a healthy mom makes for a healthy baby.

And the crazy thing about exercising? It automatically helps you eat better, it's weird.

So, I'll battle the little bit of internal mommy guilt I feel because I know that in reality it is better for my marriage, my kid, any future children and for myself.

B.T. Dubbs....If you want to read more about my history with my weight, read here.

Okay, but seriously....

Have you heard about the mom who got arrested for letting her kids play outside without her direct supervision?

One blog I read about the incident suggested that she, too, would've called the cops on the mom if she saw the children, 9 and 6, playing alone.

I pretty much think that's insane. It's a huge reason why I am a "rural" housewife and why I hope to always be living in a small town or city where my kids can play outside!

I grew up playing outside without my mom's direct supervision. I went on many adventures with cousins and friends. I was active, I was outside, I was using my brain, I was getting dirty and sometimes hurt or sunburned, but I was living!

I also hear so many stories about my father-in-law's family playing outside when they were growing up in Central Oregon. Apparently there was a piece of property close by their house that hadn't been developed yet. They called it "Cowboy Country." So many adventures happened on that mound of dirt there are actually books written by family members of all the tales (some tall) that happend while playing outside without direct supervision.

Furthermore, I'm pretty sure none of these kids' parents were with them 100% of the time. And if they were, they'd never have had quite the adventures that these kids did. 

Okay, so these stores are obviously for film and are fiction, but I think they exist and we love them because we can relate and had similar stories of our own. And if you couldn't relate or didn't have some silly stories from childhood, well then, I pity you and that's exactly what I want to avoid in the childhoods of my children.  

Call me negligent, but I expect my children to play outside and not always within my line of direct vision. It'll be good for my sanity and for my children's development and independence. Just warning my future neighbors - you might want to get the cops or Child Protective Servies on your speed dial.

Snow baby

We woke up to a bunch of fresh white stuff Monday morning and it kept snowing until noon. 

So, after El's morning snooze I decided to take her out in it. For a bit she just sat there, moving her legs back and forth in the snow. I tried to lay her back to do a snow angel, but her face looked like she was being tortured. So I sat her back up. Eventually she tried to crawl, but it was so deep and she had on so many layers that she kind of gave up. Plus, she got distracted by the snow. 

And eventually she was just doing this for extended periods of time..... 

 sampling the snow! 

She seriously had her head down so much I had like ten photos of her in this pose. 

A few bites later she was ready to be out of the snow. So, we went inside and I quickly took her out of the snowy clothing and shook it out. She went around picking up all the clumps of snow and eating them - a handy girl, that one. 

I also slipped and fell on my arse for the first time since I lived in Rexbrrrrrg. 

Luckily, it didn't hurt so much, must be all that extra stuffing I got going on in back since I got married and had a kid. 

Sunday Sermon

"one of woman’s greatest privileges, blessings, and opportunities is to be a co-partner with God in bringing his spirit children into the world." - N. Eldon Tanner

I highly recommend reading the whole address.

Fever Pitch

So, everyone I know is pregnant.

There's Jessica (Simpson), Kim (Kardashian), Kate (Middleton), and my girl Shakira.

Not to mention like a bajillion of my FB friends. Seriously. A bajillion.

And while my baby is still a baby (not a year until the 10th), I'll admit, I've got a bit of a baby fever. I am hoping that by admitting it to the world (yes, my blog is about as international as I can get currently) that it will help to break the fever.

I do want more babies, I do.

And have you seen my first attempt? Instead of discouraging me to tempt the fates with ANOTHER deliciously adorable child, she has encouraged me to make more!

Plus, I have like the best co-parent ever. I mean, I'm serious here. All sarcasm aside, he's been way more than I expected and I'm pretty sure he's one in a million in how hands on, attentive and helpful he his when it comes to parenting.

What's the problem then?

Well, I don't know.

One being that I vowed to myself before I ever got married that I would never be in my last trimester of pregnancy during the hottest months of the year - July, August, September. So, if I got pregnant anytime in the very near future, I'd be very much pregnant and uncomfortable in the heat of the summer.

Another being finally feeling like my body is mine. No pregnancy, no breastfeeding . . . I'm still getting used to how having a baby has changed my body. Also, I'd like to get my body in a more healthy state before it becomes inhabited again. I'd like to eat a little better, feel a little stronger, take a daily vitamin, fit it into non-stretch pants...

And finally, I'm still so enjoying all this one-on-one time I get with Ella Roo. I feel like I'm hitting a tiny stride in my role as mother. I'm enjoying being able to have time to myself while Eric entertains our girl. And I want to relish in this time a little bit longer.

But still, I feel the baby fever.

Not even nights of a sick baby crying has lowered the temp.

So, how to ride it out?

I guess remember those things I wrote above.

Remember labor.

And the all day morning sickiness....oh yes, THAT is helping quell the fires.

And....any suggestions you may have are welcome!

The best part of waking up....

....is bedhead.

This is the most crazy I've ever seen E's hair. I couldn't stop laughing. 

Also, now that it's January, I'm totally over winter. Ready for some spring! 

Too bad winter officially began only like 16 days ago. Crap. 

In the mean time, I open up my blinds in the mornings when there is blue sky and pretend spring is nearly here. 

Plus, with the holidays gone and the cold settled in, it forces you to think about inside projects - like organizing. 

I have a few projects I can get done while the weather is a brisk 20 degrees as a high. 

Plus, E's first birthday is in six, SIX, days and her first birthday party is in eight. 

Plenty I could do for that. 

But, Hart of Dixie on Netflix is calling my name - so maybe I'll get to all that productive stuff later.